life is recovering for me..
now i know y she makin such a big fuss over it..
cos i and mari did had a talk and happen to talk abt them..but unfortunately they came to know abt it...things juz got worse..cos i really heard what she said.haiz..but forget it..nobody believe me..take it as my fault then..although we did promise tat we wont tell anyone..but yet we betray each other...if only they hasn't care abt wad we said and juz live life as per normal..and shouldnt qns our friendship..i guess our friendship will bond..many a time, i felt trapped in e grp cos i m extremely disturbed of how suspicious of my friendship with them... ever since mari's case with angela were closed..i no longer feel trapped...but they still qns abt my friendship....

if only.they could be more sensitive towards me and not judge me..things wouldnt had turn out so bad..if only i myself could change for e better..i wish i could...
and i will......

i m feeling depressed..yes i m...so sad tat i could almost cry very now and then...i know there r still ppl who are tryin to make me happy..thanks..i juz hope i m better =)...this pain had affected my concentration actually...

i think i m going to flunk my ss seq...tears* ss had being my strongest sub..but because of all these matters and ppl tat say tat they didnt like me and all...i was affected tremounously..y?why m i feeling this way?....

i wish u were here..my prince..cos i need u..but where are u? u seem to be so far away...when will i see u?when will u appear in my dreams and take me away from all these excrusiating pains...where are my true friends?i need u guys...tears* i m so lostt..so alone...i dunno..i juz wan my life to be beautiful..is it so hard? now it seems like there are more things hidden inside me..i wish i could juz let it go..but i cant..i dunno y...i m too shy to do it...

i shall juz indulged myself in darkness..waiting for light.........



11/29pm

spiritually_yours at 2:29 PM

i juz dun understand la...i juz felt some ppl are against me..after wad they talk to her..cos no one even bother to advise me or something..every one believe is my fault..cos of all e past mishaps..her and her were also in e wrong..for not being sensitive to my feelings...well, i wanna know is..y should i confront them first when i left e group FIRST..when they..should be e one confronting me and askin me why..and not juz believe in some craps and accusing me..?

it juz pull down my dignity..and i believe wadever i did is right in some ways...i know i m in e wrong somehow..and at most i already admit wad i did wrong...did they?even if i told them, they will juz turn the table round..in e end who got blame?its me..! u say i dunno wad u going thru..have u ever felt wad i going thru?i already wan to put the matter in the past but u all keep on draggin this problems..y u all muz let all these matters pull our friendship down?then when things goes wrong...start to blame me...

when i said i will change it means i will...but u all simply dun believe me..so wads e point of me...staying in a grp when there's no trust? why do u all always blame me?
enough of backstabbing and all..i felt trappeed in e group..now i understand why there are always conflicts btw u and some ppl..cos i was once of them..
haiz..forget it la i juz wanna be a better person...and true friends who really cares..

take care.......ciao..1.13am

spiritually_yours at 12:39 AM

wow wonderful..haha.finally can write a post.. lol

well,basically i can finally get out and find some true friends...i mean i had beeen suffering in their group..and all i can is to tolerate..they ask me not to backstab but they themselves are doing it...soo wad rights do they had to say tat i betray them? all i ever wan was true friends..but wad i got is juz some childish ppl...


and will they even there when i feel sad and cried?all they ever do was, "samantha,we meet u in e hall" fuck la..i was there lying on e table alone..and then they dun even wanna come over and talk to me..call themselves true friends?ha..my foot..tell others tat u had clean parents?..ha..pls see for yrself before saying others..IF IT HASNT FOR IVEY,I WOULD NOT HAD SEEN YR TRUE COLOURS...actually before recess,we r fine but i juz dunno why after recess..things started to change...and it happens everyday..the reason for me to left e group is very simple,we juz cant get along,i dun like u guys talkin bad abt my close friends behind their backs,i tried to change..but had u all even allow me to,when all i know everyday i m facing critism from u all..talkin bad abt me in front of me..dun think i dunno...and then here u are..telling other ppl that i betray u all...who's the one who is doing it now? had u all ever care abt my feelings..? do u all even ask me why,all u all ever does was putting blame onto ppl..think tat the world owe u a big time...

i think i had given my friendship as an advantage to u all...its not worth..thats why i left..i cant stand it when u guys juz kept making things difficult for me...

one more thing, i m super pissed with e fact tat u all r WORSE THAN A BACTERIA..WORSE THAN AN AH LIAN...fancy calling my close friend's mother a slut..when things hasn't been solved..cant u all juz confront me long ago..why i left e group..and all u guys ever does was drag the matter..and put the blames on me..worse still.. now even insult my friend...u all r testing my patience now..ha..and fancy u guys calling me a coward for not answering u all..ha..so who's the coward now? i had my reason for keeping quiet..that is cos i cant be bothered to argue to useless ppl like u..i juz feel like i m talkin to empty air.i cant belive i m tolerating u guys for so long...yes i m calling u guys an airhead!! wad can u do? i juz feel like taking the dagger and go thru u guys hearts! ni meng zui hao shi fan xing yi xia ni meng zi ji de liang xin.. have u all ever wondered y u guys always had conflict with ppl?have u? cos i know now..

and it muz have been incredible for me to tolerate u guys for so long..its time for me to move..u all had better watch out or else u all will see a side tat no one had never seen before..not even my close friends..its the extreme anger.everyone will be shocked...i chose not to show to my close friends cos they r reasonable & understandin ppl..but not for u guys..i had better make sure..u all r e first to see it..ha..if u guys start all yr nonsense again...pls la.. go look around and see who is in e wrong can?i know i m in e wrong..how bout u guys???

PLs use yr brain before u do..do i always had to remind u all these points like last time?if u said yes, all i can say u all r brainless....tats all i can talk...i cant be bothered anymore..i m out of here..go do my coursework..i rather do my coursework than waste my time on u useless bunch of ppl..

anyway juz wanna say thanks to sab,karmun claire,shuwen..candice,feena,serene,ivey and the rest of my close friends who stood by me this period...i also wanna thank someone who give me e light during this period of time..thanks for being there.. =) ciao!1.35pm

spiritually_yours at 12:55 PM

my heart is still bleeding inside..cos i kept crying.
i juz cant stop..
i wonder when will this end..
why is it always happen this way.?
why?
all i ever wan now is juz a simple love..
someone who can stay by me..and let this love last for eternality and not months and years...
someone who can stop me from cryin inside...
my heart left lots of scars..and it is in pain..tears*
but yet i cant say it out...

how long can i stop pretending that i m not in pain...
when actually i m....will anyone ever know this?
the pain had caused me to be sick now..
i m facing the worst that i could ever get..


i m so scared now..scared of the past unhappy memories...the past good memories of my loved ones......so scareddd...

y is fate making me feeling so miserable...will anyone ever care?
no..they are juz minding their own thingss..
they are juz giving stupid excuses to cover u up for not being with u...

tears* y do it had to be this wayyyyyy?
y cant i turn the table round?
y cant i juz be a simple girl who not afraid of the pain and tortures i m going thru now..no one is there... for me..

life is aint that great afterall.. tears* 12.09am

spiritually_yours at 12:02 AM

yo yo..new blog..cos someone had been spanking my taggie in my blog..i dunno who e hell e person is..and he kept claiming he know me..thats why i decided to change blog...yaaa

spiritually_yours at 1:45 PM