ahhhhhhh...stupid..i m grounded..and so bloody pissed..i feel so trapped...parents in my life controlling me like hell..every min i had to report..fuck la...its juz mid year can...??


not as though i wont manage my time??? fuck la..thanks la!! ha dun wan to say so much also..alot of people will tell me I DESERVE THE PUNISHMENT..who cares??!! i dun care...they wan to control..let them control la...in e end they know they are in e wrong..FOR NOT TRUSTING THEIR DAUGHTER..THEY THINK THEIR DAUGHTER NEED TO BE DISCIPLINED...WELL COME TO E END, THEY ARE WRONG..YES PEOPLE U R RIGHT..ACTIONS SPEAKS LOUDER THAN WORDS..THATS WHY I DECIDED NOT TO SAY SO MUCH!!!!! ok u may say this is childish thinking...come and put yrself in my shoes..and u will know why...


and well,wad in e world is everyone thinking?? y do they had to judge people in e way of their performance? so wad if their performance is bad? so wad if they done ONE wrong thing,u had to hate them for e rest of their lives? does it mean their attitude will be bad later on? grow up! i hate e kind of attitudes u guys give me...

say u r friends.but is it juz a say say? haiz..dun wan to say so much...ANYWAY I DUN HAVE E RIGHTS TO SAY SO MUCH TOO....! o level are near....and i dun wan to think too much..i m juz glad that i had a few close friends by my side now at this moment..especially to meiyu..i know how u feel..hee..glad that we met up today..lol..dun worry..u r still one of my closest friend i met in my life...i know wad u r going thru..cos i m going thru e same way as u too... winkz*



hmmm..dun worry i m fine...today i met yong.. haha..kind of happy to see her..cos e 1st qns she ask me was :"how was chinese paper?" i was kind of touched la.. cos all along i being askin ppl how it is..and there's only one in school who ask me..and that is yvoone..and suddenly..someone who had graduated last year..came to ask me..and wads more...she IS YONG! haha...thanks yong...i m really touched...and i love yr hair!! juz went in school i realise things juz not going the way it seemed...good things come back in my life...haiz..ok la..dun wanna say so much le..wait ppl complain abt me again...


juz wanna tell others..be the way u r..cos i m going to be e way i m from now on...dun had to question me..all i can say is i m wad i m...its whether u like it or not....i m fine..i juz wanna see things myself..dun wake me up..juz let me be myself for now...like ben say, DUN THINK TOO MUCH..yes i wont..oh ya..hahaa.i wanna thank him...for coming to my sis's competition...haha..although that day we did ended up quarrelling somehow..really sorry...kk i gotta go le.......









i misssssssssssss uuuuuuuuu........ 4.31pm

spiritually_yours at 4:08 PM

yozzzzzzz

ok ppl i will listen to u guys ..I WILL TRY TO REFRAIN FROM DRINKIN AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE.ha..thanks to all my close friends for caring..i will heed yr advice... =).well juz wanna say i m pretty fine..although i m grounded...juz wanna concentrate on my studies now..yaaaa....and i think i m not straight..haaaa..but whatever it is who cares..only i know...so..ya....
met mel wong at dohby ghaut there..lol...she will call out my name wad...haaaa

yup..i wont think too much too..exams round e corner...yaaaa....so muz work hard...


yeah..nth much..life pretty dull...but its ok...oh went to watch "da vinci code" today with fadhdiah...way cool...i will become a historian!! oh manz..and took some neoprints..haha..very long nv take le..and we said we never regret taking history..ya i nv regret..haha...life's good...yeah..sister performing this sunday..her mini beauty contest...ya..hope she win..ha..cos her instructor likes her for she had a little x factor..hope the judges will like her too.....lol..not stacey..its my youngest sis..haha...ya she is very cute!! and she is like a clone of me...haa....dotssss...

k la i better go le..lol....

spiritually_yours at 6:41 PM

hello ppl....

juz wanna tell ya guys something..i flank all my exams..ya..some ppl are happy for me..well who cares! anyway..ya..i dun care already...whether i m in e bottom of e class..ha..it doesnt matter to me anymore..i dun wan 2 say so much..wait lots of ppl say..without action..so i m not going to further say..juz tell ya ppl i m going to work hard..tats all...

yup..went to michelle party yesterday..ok la...didnt eat much..but was having a good time playin jim rummy with mel wong,ivey and ben..and xueting..haha.so funny wad...lol...ya...ben come out all his stupid nonsenses...and i tell u sth...he got motives wan..so whoever play with him better watch out..i actually had fun yesterday..ya i m happier with them around...today...went cousin house for house warming..haiz..majong?sucks la..dun wan to say so much also...cos i already know wad i wan in mind...

and i hope my mum would juz one day juz stop screaming at me..she dun understands la...every now and then kept quarrelling..and i hope she will understand me more..and not juz keep asking questions..i sometimes got this feelings that e reason for me to flank my english throughout the years..its partly becuz of her...yes i blame her..and then she blame me back instead..who's fault was it? had u guys ever be in my shoes?? sometimes she abit unreasonable too..ugh!! i really hate o level...wad e hell m i thinking of going back to st margs 2 years ago??? i should had juz drop out and go to private school instead...i dun wan to say much also..let fate decided....

ugh!! i love alcohol..i m always tempted to drink..even juz now i drank..and it spoil my mood....u guys should be glad tat i didnt pick up smoking..ha...but tat will nv happen..haha...gotta go...ciao...12.13am

spiritually_yours at 12:05 AM

by kelly clarkson:since U been gone

Here's the thing
We started out friends
It was cool, but it was all pretend
Yeah, yeah, since you been gone
You're dedicated, you took the time
Wasn't long 'til I called you mine
Yeah, yeah, since you been gone
And all you'd ever hear me say
Is how I picture me with you
That's all you'd ever hear me say

But since you been gone
I can breathe for the first time
I'm so movin' on, yeah yeah
Thanks to you, now I get what I want
Since you been gone

How can I put it, you put me on
I even fell for that stupid love song
Yeah, yeah, since you been gone
How come I'd never hear you say
I just wanna be with you
Guess you never felt that way

But since you been gone
I can breathe for the first time
I'm so movin' on, yeah, yeah
Thanks to you, now I get, I get what I want
Since you been gone

You had your chance, you blew it
Out of sight, out of mind
Shut your mouth, I just can't take it
Again and again and again and again

Since you been gone (since you been gone)
I can breathe for the first time
I'm so movin' on, yeah yeah
Thanks to you (thanks to you)
Now I get, I get what I want
I can breathe for the first time
I'm so movin' on, yeah yeah
Thanks to you (thanks to you)
Now I get (I get)
You should know (you should know) that I get
I get what I want

Since you been gone
Since you been gone
Since you been gone



not quite true abt my feelings now..but its very nice..thhe drumming and all..ya..way cool...i wish one day i could juz sing like her in front of probably thousand crowds.....and totally throw the feeling out like wad she done in this song...i m trying to move on.juz threw it and make me happy.i feel so trapped sometimes....cos of o level..and tend to hide my feelings sometimes..sometimes i really wish someone to be there for me all e time..i wan that feeling...haiz....can say i had mixed feeling now...but i still will stick to the decision tat i had already made....another song by kelly clarkson..


I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way, to never let it get that far

Because of you
I never strayed too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake, a smile, a laugh
Every day of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with

Because of you
I never strayed too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I watched you die
I heard you cry
Every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry
In the middle of the night
For the same damn thing

Because of you
I never strayed too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I tried my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid

Because of you


its so me..haha....

k la..i better go...nitez 12.44am

spiritually_yours at 12:15 AM

yeeah.........bring me to life!! haha....i love tis song lots!!! no more unchained melody..so sadist..haha.....


yeah i happier le..juz tryin to fix back my life...ha....now a bit down la...but be happier soon..lol.finally exams over..but very scared of the results haha....haiz...juz when things got better..i think i going to screw up another thing..hope its not so bad... :x.....whatever the case i shall juz let it be....

life is so secure....no it isnt..i m mad..haha..YEAH I M GOING TO WATCH DA VINCI CODE ON MONDAY WITH FADILAH DEARY!!!...lol....hope she be able to see this..haha...and i m so glad rachel is with me to pass the time before f&n exam..haha..

pammy i love yr apartment..can i come and stay one day?lol...really....haha...anyway...haiz..sianz..if only things juz doesnt the way it turn out....i wan my life to be beautiful and simpple can?no..cos its too complicated already..all i really wan is to fix it...i really cherish every friendship of mine now and i dun wanna miss anyone out...ivey u know wad i mean..i really regretted panseh u during chalet...i also dun wan u to feel left out again..pls..understand...i really dun wan it to happen...it will spoil our friendship...i juz wan u to be happy..i wont force u to do things against yr will...
i should be the one being deserved to be pan sei...all i juz wanna say is i m sorry..i know it doeesnt cure...only actions will...its hard to forgive i know..all i wanna say is i know my mistakes.....take care.....ciao... 7.27pm

spiritually_yours at 7:09 PM

happy birthday,cousin pammy!!

hmm..let me create a scenerio for u...i had cookies and chocolate in front of me..and unfortunately i had gotta choose one of it.. i guess most of yr will think tat i will choose chocolates over cookies right?

ha...u r wrong..i will choose the cookies..the reason y i didnt choose chocolate are very simple..chocolates appeared to be very very tempting for most of us..cos of the outer covering...but if we kept there for long outside, it will melt..and it became very sticky...juz like in relationship...if u met someone who happens to be yr PRince charming..he may not be tat perfect.. but there will be time u feel hurt..juz like how chocolate make yr throat heaty when u eat too much...

whereas for cookies..although its hard on the outside..but once u bite on it..it became soft...and even if it is not as tempting as the chocolates, it still will taste good...when u eat,there tend to be some crumbs that drop off..well think abt it in a relationship way, will u find someone who taste as good as cookies?haa..someone who will give u back good memories juz like how fallen crumbs of cookies?someone's whose heart may seem as firm but actually they r soft?...think abt it.. ;)

thats all for now..ciao..!haha 1.42am

spiritually_yours at 1:33 AM

yeahhhhh can finally write le..lol

i know i hasnt been updating my blog..well basically i m feeling better..juz tat alot of bad things had happened to me last time ya....now on e road of recovery..lol...hmm..can say i m quite happy now...i m more worried for my results..haha..cos i think i did not do so well for mid year this time round..and perhaps i guess the papers would be easier for me if only i had studied hard enough..haha..

haiz..sometimes life is so good aey? actually i pon school one day.cos dun feel like going..so .together with ben we pon.haa...so funny la..haha..lol..but had fun time ponning la..maybe should do tis more often..lol..juz kidding...haha...

how i wish o level will end now..lol..tml paper is maths paper 2..i usually score in paper 2 than in paper 1..i had no idea why..haha..hope i do well ba..cos i guess my paper 1 i didnt do tat well..haha...

yeah...life is supposed to be happy and i should..lol.....hmmm...someone bdae coming hor?lol..my cousin and my uncle..happy early 20th!!lol...

hmm.went to celebrate serene bdae last sat..came back kinda drenched cos was raining..haha..ya..i guess i had fun time there la..me and michelle ok already..still there are stuffs which i dun like abt her...i dunno...it all seems like she really wanna be my friend with me again..so i guess i shouldnt let the past affects us..there be time i will tell her wad she did tat hurt me..cos...of rlp..but again after telling i still will retain e friendship i have with her...
afterall its all in e past..no point brooding over it..
she is a fun person to be with...but if u know her well..hmm..u will know..lol..

damned..i missed QUEEN OF THE DAMNED..juz to study for tat chemistry paper..ugh!! in e end i dunno e questions,the questions dunno me..lol..so forget abt it..ah...


k la..think i better go le..after today i dun have to go school until mon..lol..take careeeeeee.... 12.06am

spiritually_yours at 11:30 PM

oohhh my love my darling..i m hunger for yr loveee......i neeeeeeed uuuuuu....


i m listenin to my old blog's song..haha..unchained melody..lol

well this few weeks i m having my mid year..i guess i screwed up my ss seq..as for english..it was quite ok..chinese was..ok..except for chem..and maths..and i think i m going to screw up..haha...die la..lol

dunno y my mum nowadays kept shouting and scolding me..haiz..probably she felt i didnt study hard enough..wad de...i m already 18!!! and yet i cant decide for myself..haiz....cos i dun have e ability to do so..she is controlling me..ugh!! i hate it la...


ya its true tat i didnt study much this mid year it also becuz there's too much unhappy things appear in my life..i was unable to stand up for myself...hope everyting slowly resolve and hope tat wadever decision will be good this time...i juz wanna get this over and done with...

ya sab..i try not to drink too much..lol....kk gotta go..take care ciao!!

i miss u..miss yaaa so much..wish u can come back to me.... 12.35am

spiritually_yours at 12:26 AM

y muz my life be led in difficulties?
damned..i know there's so much work for me to do now..but still, i cant put myself to do or those works or even study for it.ahhhh...wads wrong with me?

guess i been drinking for 2 days lately...dunno y..alot of things on my mind too...juz tryin to be myself....sab dun worry u didnt neglect me.. =) i m pretty fine with my friendship with others now...juz tat i guess need time to be better ba..and this time round it is exam period..so i do understand wad u r going thru ... =) u dun have to be there if u dun wan.. i wont force u.. juz remember tat no matter wad happens i will always be there for ya..as yr friend..and also yr godsis..isnt this wad true friends suppose to be?


as for relationship..i being pretty fine..with who i m with now..i juz wanna give an advice to my admirers..(not being proud or overheaded...juz being frank..) if u like me,juz say so...dun waste yr time..i m a very straightforward person so i dun like guys who will be too slow-minded..if u wan me,juz say so..if u scared of rejection, i tell u sth..it is juz a part and parcel of yr life.i was rejected before..so..i stilll move on..so u will move on too..dun keep playin me on...sometimes if u r too slow-minded, i can see through..all i can say is i like surprises..if i suddenly said "u wan me to be yr gf is it?" dun brush it off i dun like it..i wan a straight ans..either a yes or no...thats all i can say...if u love me,prove it to me. dun kept sayin it...i wan actions....thats all i can say..

yup in terms of rlp,i like my life now..tata.. 11.08pm

spiritually_yours at 10:42 PM